As we begin this new year, I am thinking about resolutions. I rarely make them and I don’t much like them. I am nervous of great big proclamations. They feel restrictive. To me, they often feel like “should do’s” and it is my wish for all of us that we make time for our “want to” lists.

For me, filling the “want to” list happens in small ways following genuine loves and impulses. It starts with habits that support the things you love to do and the people you love to be with. The “want to” list means being true to yourself.

I want to make changes quietly and personally. I’m not so interested in choosing a goal as I am in choosing a direction. The direction I choose is toward writing, creating and loving. I don’t know the path, how could I, it’s ahead of me, I haven’t been there yet. I do know there will be no KPI’s (key performance indicators) just small everyday choices.

I have a friend who is in shock over a big loss. It’s a sudden slap-in-the-face, the loss of an opportunity and an impressive status. It’s very hard to take but I know she’ll come through. It’s my wish for my friend that out of this loss she will find a life on her own terms, one where her cheeky qualities are deeply appreciated.

I wish my friend life on her own terms. I wish myself life on my own terms. How might we find that life? Right now, I admit, I don’t know. I’m lost but I suspect the following might help.

  • self-honesty – what do you really think and feel?
  • what story are you telling yourself?
  • change your story if it doesn’t help
  • be your own best friend
  • find where you belong, don’t fake it
  • do things you love
  • spend time with people you love
  • take small daily risks in the direction of your dreams
  • love as much as possible

We all start life as children who need to conform to the rules and expectations of others. As adults, we may need to do this a little bit but usually not a lot. Be honest about whether you have to do something or whether you are choosing to do it. Take responsibility for your life. Be yourself. Choose life on your own terms. Make resolutions if they work for you. If not, do it differently.

What does “life on your own terms” look like for you?

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