Emotions are a physical reaction. They tell us a lot. Sometimes we talk about them as though they are complex or abstract. They are never abstract. And they’re only really complex when they build up. When we’re listening to them, they move on.  Complex feelings may just be layers of feeling we haven’t listened to yet.

A couple of years ago I had a falling out with a friend. I was mad at her. It hadn’t been working for a while. The friendship felt like hard work and not so friendly. It ended with an explosion. Ill health was the clincher for me. I no longer had the energy to sort it out. It felt like a mess.

It’s been a couple of years now and I’ve been ok with that mostly.  I didn’t want to keep trying. But I have still felt some anger and confusion. It wasn’t quite resolved.

The other day, I tuned into a heaviness in my chest. As I simply felt what was there I found myself crying over the loss of that friendship. It came out of nowhere. I remembered the laughs. Finally I cried over losing what was good in it.

And now I feel free. I’m no longer angry. Nor do I need to go back over it. In feeling that sadness, I think I’ve let it go. I no longer feel guilty either. It seems that I’ve cleared the hurt.

At the time, I never did grieve the friendship, it was though I had to focus on the bad stuff to justify the need to give up on it.

Feeling emotions as healing

Letting go of this was about awareness. Tuning into a feeling to let it move through. Seeing it as a message. Treating tightness with curiosity. Treating my body like it knows exactly who I am.

I learnt that I was sad, guilty and hurt under the surface. Anger wasn’t the whole story. Anger was just my ego.

Lately I’m feeling somewhat irritable. If I try to analyse the feeling I get nowhere. My mind can take either side of the debate and fight to win but it doesn’t always know who I am or what I need. My mind just wants to make me look good and other people look bad. That doesn’t feel good.

My heart and soul know that we’re all right and we’re all wrong and it doesn’t make any difference. The only thing that matters is that we care and do our best.

  • Where do you feel tension?
  • What is it like?
  • Sit with it
  • Ask what it wants to teach you

Mostly feelings are about what’s happening now. They tell you that you’re tired and cranky and need a good sleep. Other times, old stuff comes up but if you sit with it, it washes away with the tide leaving smooth sand.