There’s a kid’s game we used to play called “stuck in the mud”. Lately I’ve been feeling a little bit stuck in the mud. It’s not terrible, it’s just a bit “nothing”.
I like to think I can work it out myself. I think on paper. I play Q & A with some higher power, or myself. Sometimes it still doesn’t work. I’m a bit lost, a little bit unwell for a little too long. A little bit going nowhere fast, or even slow. Oh well, call it a rest stop.
I hear there is the option of asking for help though. I hear that other people often have a lot to offer when you’re lacking a new perspective.
Why we don’t ask for help
Maybe you do ask for help. If you do, give me some tips. Hey, I think I did just ask for help. There’s hope for me yet.
So why do we hesitate. Maybe you relate to some of these.
- I should be able to work this out myself
- I don’t want to be unduly influenced
- I’m embarrassed that I don’t know what to do
- I have many old ideas, some of them should work
- I am not sure others will want to help
- I doubt that others can help
Why to ask for help
- If you feel stuck, then you are not working this out yourself
- It seems you need outside influence
- Not knowing what to do sometimes is probably human
- Your old ideas are definitely not working
- I quite like to help others, it’s likely others might want to help me
- Others can help, surely
How to ask for help
Make a list of the help you need. Make a list of who might be able to help, whether they’re an expert in a field or just a really good listener. Decide who to ask for help. Ask for help.
About asking
Asking for help gives other people the chance to give. Not asking for help isn’t heroic. I may not ask for help that much but sometimes I can whine-up-a-storm. My whining is seriously painful. Asking for help would be a big improvement.
If you want to play victim, you whine. If you prefer to take responsibility, you do something, you take action. Sometimes the best action is to ask for help. Ask for knowledge, time, ideas, support, a helping hand…salt, pepper, a variety of condiments. Or you can rudely reach over and just grab…
Recognise the many ways you are helped already…
As I think about this, I realise I am already helped in almost everything I do. When I read I receive the help of new ideas and experiences, the same happens when I watch movies. When I eat I receive food others have grown and harvested and packaged and transported. When I sleep, it’s on a bed with quilts and pillows that others have made. You get the idea.
My life is already dependent, reliant and blessed by the efforts of others. Ask for the help you need. Give what you have.
How do you ask for help? Why do you ask for help?
miss yardley 
As a child in the 1950’s I had polio and I have spent my life saying ‘no thanks it’s ok I can do it’. I am now 68 and have raised a beautiful family with a loving husband but following a fall 6 years ago when I broke my femur I now find my mobility and energy is not what it used to be. It’s taken me a long time to realise that it’s ok to ask for help and to realise that it doesn’t make me ‘less than’ it just means that I am learning to love myself more. It still doesn’t come easy to me but I’m getting better at it. I have ‘stuck’ days but have learnt what to do to pull myself out of it and to ask for help if I need to. I also know that ‘this too shall pass’ and to wait patiently for the energy to return. Thank you for your honest words and I love the way you follow your thoughts through to work towards an answer. Wishing you happiness.
Valerie, I can relate to the fierce determination to do it yourself and can understand that wish to prove your independence. I admire your strength and your learning. Your story has a lot of beauty and power in it. Thank you so much for sharing a little of your story and for your kind words.