It’s a little after 5am on the second morning in my new home. I’ve woken early for some reason.
Last night was difficult. The silence. I stepped around boxes. All those boxes felt like parts of myself that I haven’t dealt with.
I’m usually good with silence. I lived without a TV for years. I was proud of that, a little bit smug. Lately I’ve used it to fill the silence and now silence is hard.
And yet, I know that running from silence is exactly what makes it hard. When you sit quietly you become aware of yourself. You get to know yourself again, you have nothing to run from.
Lessons from silence
It is shortly before dawn now. It is very dark and quiet. A whole lot of stuff has dropped away. In the quiet, I learn these lessons again:
- Running from yourself is futile. Running from silence and what you feel is the best way to stay stuck. It’s exhausting.
- The truth will set you free. Having the courage to listen to the truth frees you up. Why lie to yourself? It never works anyway.
- Much of my effort is excessive. I think I can do things perfectly but life does them perfectly. There is a kind of power-steering at work. I don’t have to do it all.
- I don’t need to get it right. There are many ways to do things. There are many combinations that might work.
- I am not doing my life. Something bigger than me is doing my life.
- The silence isn’t empty. It holds sounds and ideas. It holds potential.It holds creativity.
Soon, the sun will leap over the hill and fill my little home with sunshine. It happened yesterday and the joy filled my day.
Night comes and then the day. I am not alone in the empty space. I don’t need to get it right. That force of love and light can run my life if I get out of the way.
Maybe I just need to get quiet and listen. When I do that, everything begins to flow.
miss yardley 